Loving people is hard sometimes. Loving yourself is harder. Loving people while loving yourself – that’s a whole different ball game. Have you ever had to choose between yourself and someone else? If you’re a parent or a spouse, you probably do this daily. But I’m talking about with friends, family, and maybe even occasionally someone further outside your circle.
We’re called to love our brothers and sisters in Christ. We’re called to fellowship and commune with fellow man. Without others, we’re a desert island sitting in a vast ocean of loneliness and isolation. In essence, we NEED each other.
The Issue
In our tech-forward world, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to really connect with others. The ongoing political climate is polarizing; each generation is raised differently from the last. Cultural differences would tell us to judge each other. And at the end of the day, we’re all different – every last one of us. Those differences cause friction. But that doesn’t mean we can’t love each other. It doesn’t mean we have to keep each other at arm’s length. There’s no need to surround ourselves with an echo chamber at the exclusion of everyone who doesn’t align with us one hundred percent. So how do we do it? How do we safely love others?
How to Love Others While Loving Yourself
Set Healthy Boundaries
Boundaries are a road map to success. Everywhere you go, there are boundaries, often referred to as rules, that keep you safe and help humanity thrive. You may not always agree with them, but for the most part, boundaries are necessary. Relationships are no different, and your boundaries should be as unique to you as your fingerprint. What feels safe to you might not feel safe to me, and vice versa. If you draw different boundaries than someone else, that’s ok. They still need to be respected. It’s important to know what you will and will not tolerate in any relationship, and to insist that those boundaries are followed.
In like manner, it’s just as important to respect others’ boundaries as it is to have them respect yours. Boundaries aren’t there to offend or restrict you; they’re useful guides to loving and receiving love in a manner that feels safe to us.
Know Your Values and Stick to Them
In general, everyone has a different set of values. It’s uncommon to find someone whose values align completely with yours, although you might find someone who comes close. Diversity is the spice of life, and it’s something to be celebrated. We can’t all be the same, and thankfully so, since our differences help keep society moving forward. Healthy relationships don’t always have to have the same set of values to thrive, but they do need a little understanding. And most relationships will require compromise of some sort, but one thing you should never have to compromise is your values. Your moral compass is at the center of who you are, and no one who cares for or respects you as a person should ever ask you to compromise them. When it comes to your values, stand your ground and don’t let anyone shake you away from them.
Be Careful Who You Give Power To
Not everyone deserves the power to speak into your life. We all need friends whom we trust unequivocally, who will tell us what’s what when we need to hear it. We need people to tell us when we’re wrong as much as we need people to uplift and encourage us. Be careful to surround yourself with people who are worth listening to. But don’t give that gift to everyone. Know who your true friends are, and don’t let the negativity of outsiders influence you too deeply. It’s ok to maintain relationships with a plethora of people. Just understand that some opinions aren’t worth considering, and that’s ok.
Know When to Break Up
Relationships are hard, and most of them are worth the work we put into them. However, sometimes, it’s simply better to put some distance between us and another person, even if that person is a dear friend or family member. Breaking up with someone is heartbreaking, but if done right, it can usher in a lot of peace and freedom. It’s not something that should be taken lightly, but if it needs to be done, don’t let guilt or social norms stop you. Let them go, pray for them, and make peace with loving them from afar.
Rest in God’s Love
Remember that no one else will love you like God does. If you expect them to, you will be disappointed. Every human being on earth is a born sinner, and every successful relationship consists of two sinners trying to work things out. Likewise, you will never be able to love someone as completely as God loves them, so trying to fill that void in their life will only lead to emptiness for both of you. Keep your expectations for others and yourself reasonable and rely on God to be the maker of your happiness. Only in Him can you be truly fulfilled and endlessly loved for who you are.
Conclusion
It shouldn’t be hard to love yourself while loving others. Sure, it’s a bit of a balancing act. In reality, it feels difficult. But with a strong foundation of self-respect and commitment to yourself, it’s not impossible. The hardest part is building that foundation of self-respect and keeping it intact regardless of how others influence you. After all, you are a gift to those around you, and if it doesn’t feel that way, go out and find your tribe. Surround yourself with those who appreciate you and whom you can equally appreciate and accept. Whatever you do, stay true to yourself. Because you’re worth it.
