Oh, to welcome the month of love with open arms. I’ll admit that I’ve never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day, but lately I’ve been trying to live more intentionally and be more present. This includes honoring the seasons and their holidays. But since I’m not going all in on the lovefest this February, what I will do is take a step back and think about how I can honor this holiday-turned-consumer-trap without falling for the propaganda.
Love is not sustained by flowers, date nights, or even by really good intentions. It’s sustained by nourishment; by two people committed to feeding it, pursuing it, and living it. This doesn’t necessarily look like a box of chocolates and a new set of lingerie (although, those are definitely perks). Truly nourishing a relationship means honoring the desires and needs of both parties individually and collectively. And each relationship is as unique as each body.
Instead of just focusing on romance alone, let’s talk about nourishing our bodies and our marriages through an intentional lifestyle. Because the two are far more connected than we think they are.
Love Thrives Where Care is Consistent
The Bible tells us, “Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18
Love is not a feeling we chase; it’s a practice we commit to. Most marriages don’t fall apart because of one catastrophic event. They erode slowly. Through exhaustion, through frustration, through unspoken resentment. Often, it’s two people trying to survive without stopping long enough to care for what they’re building together.
Nourishing a marriage starts with the question, “What does our relationship actually need right now?” Not “How do we make it look like it did when we were dating?” Or before you had kids, illness, stress, etcetera.
Maybe it needs rest. Maybe it needs honesty. Or maybe it needs prayer that feels awkward because you haven’t done it together in a while. Whatever the answer is, it deserves your attention.
You Cannot Pour from an Empty Vessel
Here is something I learned the hard way. You can love deeply and still neglect yourself. You can forfeit your identity and calling in the day-to-day grind, running on fumes, in the name of love and devotion. This isn’t good for anyone.
Self-sacrifice is often praised in faith spaces, especially within marriage. And yes, love is sacrificial. But this doesn’t mean we’re to never care for ourselves. It doesn’t mean we’re supposed to deplete ourselves until there’s nothing left but resentment. If you’re constantly depleted, your marriage will feel it. You will feel it, too, and that matters. Your patience might be thinner, your words sharper. Your capacity for grace might shrink. And who wants that?
Nourishing your marriage requires nourishing yourself – or allowing yourself to be nourished. That might look like tending to your physical health, or getting enough sleep. It might look like moving your body in a way that feels good. Or going to therapy, or journaling. Or simply sitting in silence with God and admitting that you’re tired.
Caring for yourself is not selfish; it’s stewardship.
Invite God into the Ordinary
One of the most powerful shifts you can make in your marriage is inviting God into the ordinary parts of your life together. Don’t just invite him into the big decisions or the crises, but into the day-to-day grind, when you’re most likely to live on autopilot.
Pray together, even if it feels clumsy. Confess your frustrations with each other – God already knows them anyway, so let Him be part of the conversation. Read Scripture together, even if it’s just a few verses or a Proverb before bed. Talk about what you’re learning. Ask questions together.
When faith becomes a shared foundation, it creates an intimacy that goes deeper than emotion. It gives you a common anchor when everything else feels unsteady. Marriage is not just between two people; it’s between them and God. And “a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12
Be Intentional with Connection
Connection doesn’t happen accidentally, despite what the movies want us to think. It happens with intention. Intentional living, especially with respect to relationship, means showing up, even when it would be easier to disengage. It means setting aside time to talk without distractions and asking real questions and listening to real answers…you know, instead of just preparing your response.
Intentionally nourishing and growing your relationship can look like laughing together. Or sometimes it may look like having difficult conversations. Or perhaps just sitting together in silence, choosing presence over avoidance.
One small habit that can make a difference is a daily check-in. Ask each other how you’re doing, physically, spiritually, mentally – not just how the day went. Share one thing you’re grateful for and one thing that feels heavy. These small moments can build trust and lead to emotional safety over time.
Practice Daily Grace
Marriage is a daily practice of grace.
Your spouse will disappoint you, and you will disappoint them. This isn’t failure, it’s just the reality of two imperfect people learning to love each other. Grace doesn’t mean rug sweeping or ignoring problems. You can address these problems with humility instead of contempt – that’s grace. Forgive when it feels undeserved – that’s also grace. Remember, you’re both on the same team.
Colossians 3 tells us to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. To bear with one another and to forgive as the Lord forgave us. These aren’t qualities that come naturally when we’re stressed or hurt, but they can be cultivated through intentionally relying on God.
Love as an Act of Faith
At its core, nourishing your marriage is an act of faith. Faith that God is present in your relationship, even when it feels fragile. Faith that small, consistent acts of love matter. Faith that growth is possible, even after seasons of struggle.
Love isn’t proven by the number of perfect memories you make. Love is persistence; it’s choosing to stay soft in a hard world, and choosing to stay committed to each other. It’s choosing hope when it would be easier to withdraw.
This February, let love be less about performance and more about presence. Less about gestures and more about growth. Nourish your marriage by tending to your faith, your connection, and your own well-being. You don’t have to do everything at once. Start small and be intentional. Invite God into the process.
Healthy love is grown, not stumbled upon. And with care, faith, and patience, it can flourish extraordinarily in the most ordinary seasons of life.
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